Relationships

ADDITIONS AND EXCERPTS AND PARAPHRASING FROM THE BOOK CHAPTER THREE –  ENHANCING THE DEPTHS OF INTIMACY

250302 This is fun. Susan Campbell, author of Truth In Dating, etc. sent me these lists that she gathered sometime back:

Top 10 Reasons Why He May Not Want to Practice Truth in Dating

  1. He has never used a condom, but he’s had over 100 lovers.
  2. It’s true that he’s CEO of his company, but it’s under federal investigation.
  3. He has wives in six other states.
  4. He really does live in a million-dollar home, but his part of the house is the laundry room, which he rents on a month-to-month lease.
  5. His last three girlfriends filed restraining orders against him.
  6. He knows you want to get married, and he just wants to get laid.
  7. He drives a Lexus, but it belongs to his brother.
  8. His mother still does his laundry.
  9. Well, it’s really been a long time since his last outbreak of herpes.
  10. He’s dating your best friend.

 Top 10 Reason Why She May Not Want to Practice Truth in Dating

  1. She doesn’t like herself but wants you to fall madly in love with her.
  2. She was born the same year as your mother.
  3. She gets certified letters from the IRS every week.
  4. As soon as her last boyfriend paid off her credit card debt, she broke up with him.
  5. She wears a mouth guard and anti-snoring device to bed.
  6. She really is a former Miss New Jersey, but that was back in 2010.
  7. She makes her living as a massage therapist, but don’t ask her what she massages.
  8. Her children call her “the general.”
  9. Her last husband died mysteriously, and she’s living off the insurance money.

 

Top 10 Reasons Why He May Not Want to Practice Truth in Dating

  1. He has never used a condom, but he’s had over 100 lovers.
  2. It’s true that he’s CEO of his company, but it’s under federal investigation.
  3. He has wives in six other states.
  4. He really does live in a million-dollar home, but his part of the house is the laundry room, which he rents on a month-to-month lease.
  5. His last three girlfriends filed restraining orders against him.
  6. He knows you want to get married, and he just wants to get laid.
  7. He drives a Lexus, but it belongs to his brother.
  8. His mother still does his laundry.
  9. Well, it’s really been a long time since his last outbreak of herpes.
  10. He’s dating your best friend.

 

Top 10 Reason Why She May Not Want to Practice Truth in Dating

  1. She doesn’t like herself but wants you to fall madly in love with her.
  2. She was born the same year as your mother.
  3. She gets certified letters from the IRS every week.
  4. As soon as her last boyfriend paid off her credit card debt, she broke up with him.
  5. She wears a mouth guard and anti-snoring device to bed.
  6. She really is a former Miss New Jersey, but that was back in 2010.
  7. She makes her living as a massage therapist, but don’t ask her what she massages.
  8. Her children call her “the general.”
  9. Her last husband died mysteriously, and she’s living off the insurance money.

250203 Near the beginning of the book, there’s a list of  26 Behaviors of Those Living a Mature Well-Integrated Life. The first one sort of sums it up: They live with few and mild self-imposed problems. Towards the end of the list, there are these three specifically related to couples:

22. If coupled: have found that the spontaneous mutual receiving and giving of embodied love is a profound physical, emotional, and spiritual experience.

23. Experience ever more loving, sensual relationships and sexual pleasure, finding that love and sexual pleasure are open-ended and that there is no limit to how refined and exquisite these can become.

24. Know that in love and pleasure, it’s the depth of the receiver that determines the strength and quality of what can be given; it’s the potency of the negative pole that determines the strength of the energy flow.                                                                             \

NOTE: An early reader questioned me about this one. It’s basic physics. As Bucky Fuller pointed out: THE WIND DOES NOT BLOW. There is nothing pushing air. The process is driven by low-pressure areas suckng. This is what creates hurricanes and tornados. The strength of the current between the two poles of a battery is determined by the receptivity of the negative pole, not what is stored in the positive one.                 And so it is in the transmission of sexual pleasure in mature coupling. The more one can feel pleasure, the more one can feel ever more deeply into physical pleasure, the more can be sent. With increased intimacy and skill,  both partners can simultaneously be fully giving and receiving.                                                                                                              If one is not getting what one wants in a given moment, one strategy is to let go of those thoughts and tune more deeply into what is actually happening. Do this, and something will change. There is also communication between partners that can help. One can ask for more or less pressure, etc, and see what happens. And as always it is good to maintain a sex humor around and in sexual activity.

250301 A recent NYT article: Why Gen X Women are Having the Best Sex. Although, I think the author is wrong and that the boomers, or some of them anyway, just like it’s only some of the Gen Xers too.  https://www.nytimes.com/2025/02/05/magazine/sex-gen-x-women.html?smid=em-share